I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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