I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I want to fling myself into the sun
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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