I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
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