The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
