turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
