every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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