I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
