Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize