He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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