So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
