it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Then you guys just all showered together...?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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