Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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