guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
