from now on my penis is your penis
I puked a lego.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Damn victory sex feels great
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
