THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
