Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
