You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize