Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I have aggressive nipples.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
