Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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