she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
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