She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
