I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I don't deserve a penis
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
