Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
