you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize