still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
