Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
