smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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