Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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