pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
