ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
