His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
