You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
