ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
