So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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