so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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