I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Randomize
