I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
