He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
