You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
