just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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