You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
