Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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