No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
