Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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