My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
