I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize