You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
You brought string cheese to the strip club
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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