Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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