hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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