You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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