You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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