6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
