I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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