i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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