I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
