her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
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