Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize