woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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