Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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