its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Randomize
