why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
