and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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