I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
