i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
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