Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Randomize
