...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
