the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
