In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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