i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize